To Lucky, my Dada - It could've lasted. If we only held on...If you held on. Thank you so much.



Help me forget
Help me forget
The one I love so much
We had to say goodbye
It's just no good to try
For we both know deep inside
We cannot get along
We both tried to be strong
But everything went wrong
Maybe we don't belong
Help me to forget
I've tried so hard and yet
It's just hard to forget

Why didn't I just keep you? Barely a year and gone! Why didn't I just keep you?

I'm pretty sure you were cared for in the best capacity they can. But barely a year and gone!

Why didn't I just keep you?

I have thrown away a seemingly useless piece of toy. Since, it's live counterpart has passed away a couple of months back, I deemed it unnecessary to keep the stuffed version. Actually, I just don't have any interest of taking it back from my niece.

Now, who sleeps with me in my room? A 3 feet tall Teddy Bear given to me by 'Lucky', my Dada. It's name? We're still in the process of pushing for one which would fit him. Choices are, MI-AN, A-TOY, YANYAN, and ADDIE. If it's just me I'd simplify things by calling him just plain Teddy, but he's not just plain Teddy, he's a special one. For now I'm calling him BB (Baby Bear).

Haaay...why didn't I just settle for a bonding bracelet?

To my nephews Gio and Nio.....I never thought where this song came from would be given life in the big screen.. I hope you both remember that i used to sing this to you

To the One I have right now....;. Dada, i know that you know I may not love you with the same intensity. But that doesn't necessarily mean I love you less.....Thanks for being there =)

Nothing's gonna harm you
Not while I'm around
Nothing's gonna harm you
No sir, not while I'm around
Demons are prowling everywhere
Nowadays
I'll send 'em howling I don't care
I got ways

No one's gonna hurt you
No one's gonna dare
Others can desert you
Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there

Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while
But in time, nothing can harm you
Not while I'm around

Being close and being clever, ain't like being true
I don't need to - I would never hide a thing from you
Like some

No one's gonna hurt you
No one's gonna dare
Others can desert you
Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there

Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while
But in time, nothin' can harm you
Not while I'm around.

Do you remember me
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies

Well, I'm all grown up now
And still need help somehow
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown up christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
and wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown up christmas list

As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath our tree

Well heaven surely knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown up christmas list

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth
(there'd be)

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end, oh
This is my grown up christmas list

This is my grown up christmas list

LISTEN 2 versions





LISTEN

Listen,
To the song here in my heart
A melody I've start
But can't complete

Listen, to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning
To find release

Oh,
the time has come
for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own
all cause you won't
Listen....

[Chorus]
Listen,
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home, in my own home
And I tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Oh,
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice
you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..

You should have listened
There is someone here inside
Someone I'd thought had died
So long ago

Oh I'm screaming out, for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside or worse
Into your own
All cause you won't
Listen...

[Chorus]

I don't know where I belong
But I'll be moving on
If you don't....
If you won't....

LISTEN!!!...
To the song here in my heart
A melody I've start
But I will complete

Oh,
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice, you think you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..
my ownn...

That slowing down can be a choice
That a happy job is a job to keep
That work is just work and there's more to life after 6
That the spirit needs a workout just as much, or perhaps even more, than our body does
That a baby's smile can take out the weariness of the day
That a mother is not forever, so never forget to show you love her
That love is not always there, so learn to love yourself
That being loved and loving is not the rule to complete ones' existence
That finding a relationship with no impositions can be your best couch in the world
That a long drive in the countryside is the best balm for a headache
That walking a dog can be good therapy
That laughter is still the best antioxidant
That your ipod can be a best friend when you're alone
That having coffee with your best friends is all that matters while the rest of the world dances the night away
That weekends are moments to keep our sanity
That there's nothing wrong being a child again and playing like a child
That people are just trying not to be alone
That saying "goodbye" can be the most liberating thing in the world
That you don't have to put up with whoever makes it difficult for you
That the future should not rob you of today
That no one should ever make you feel your life is less than theirs
That all things are passing
Let the world move with its own rules.
You always have a choice
Heck why should you care if you have your own world where you're happy in?

Yes! This is where it stops!

You are SOOOOOOOO NOT Deserving!

Sinira mo lang araw mo! Why can't you move on?

Please lang, don't make it appear that I am solely to blame. Na sobrang ang laki ng kasalanan ko kaya ka nang-TWO-TIME! Pwede ba? Ginusto mo yun and you just can't accept the fact that you were guilty of doing such kaya kailangan sa akin mo isisi!

THIS IS WHERE IT STOPS!
........The Pleasantries
........The Courtesy
........My Humility
........The Memory
........The Friendship!

And THIS IS WHEN IT STOPS!
........In calling you KUYA!

I woke up with a clear disposition this morning, checked my mail and chatted with old friends. Until you out of nowhere pops up on my screen. It is pretty obvious that you are still in love with me, coz if not, why even bother bringing up what has been left behind. Traumatized? If so why even start a conversation with me. Why did you even come back from nowhere? If my thoughts are wrong, why? What? Make me understand why what happened earlier happened? I just want to spend WHATEVER IT IS LEFT OF MY LIFE as peaceful as possible. Why do you have to disturb that sweet peace of my soul? Let me understand. You know, for the past year and a half I've been content with what's happening in my life. And when you began to communicate I in my most honest and purest intention accommodated you. Please lang, sobrang sama ng ginawa mo. If you are being tortured by guilt, if you are being killed by my kindness, PLEASE DON'T LET IT BE MY PROBLEM! For all you know Karma mo ang nangyari sa atin. My treatment must have been what you deserved because you were TWO TIMING all along. And despite the fact, Inspite of my awareness I stayed nice and Humble! PLEASE, leave me alone! Hindi ko talaga maintindihan kung ano ang pinanggagalingan mo!

Below is the conversation with the Freak, Chintwo-timing Freak88:

chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:42:40 AM): cno kchat mo???
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:42:51 AM): hmmm
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:42:54 AM): wala yun mga lumang kilala lang
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:43:02 AM): hahahahah
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:43:06 AM): okie
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:43:09 AM): enjoy
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:43:15 AM): tagal na din hehehehe
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:43:19 AM): hehe
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:43:30 AM): shit! dis is wer we met
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:43:35 AM): whoah!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:43:39 AM): nostalgic mo naman
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:43:42 AM): hehehe
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:43:47 AM): hehehe
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:43:56 AM): whoah!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:44:07 AM): whoah what?
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:44:09 AM): hehe
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:44:15 AM): i can still remember it
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:44:18 AM): hehehe
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:44:30 AM): i've never forgotten
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:44:33 AM): hi chinito wer u at podium???
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:44:37 AM): yup
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:44:49 AM): weru wearing orange shirt
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:44:54 AM): specially when i insisted on coming to your place one night
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:44:57 AM): nah i wore black
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:45:09 AM): no, it wasn't orange..it was red
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:45:21 AM): i can still remember the color
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:45:22 AM): fine
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:45:27 AM): fine
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:45:29 AM): hahaha
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:45:30 AM): hehehehe
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:45:45 AM): good days
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:45:49 AM): nwz
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:45:51 AM):
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:45:54 AM): enjoy
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:46:01 AM): you too
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:46:18 AM): hehehe hav u rcvd my txt khapon??
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:46:28 AM): kahapon?
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:46:33 AM): about my email?
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:46:37 AM): yup
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:46:43 AM): wala lng
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:46:47 AM): 4get it
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:46:50 AM): hehehe
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:46:52 AM): yes, i replied actually
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:47:00 AM): hahaha
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:47:07 AM): ah tlga??
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:47:10 AM): yup
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:47:19 AM): tot i was just dreaming that u replied
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:47:24 AM): ganon?
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:47:27 AM): hahaha
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:47:49 AM): im not really used to of u replying
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:47:52 AM): hahahaha
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:48:00 AM):
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:48:13 AM):
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:48:28 AM): i always do but each time..d ka na ulit respond
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:48:32 AM):
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:48:59 AM): hehehe
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:49:02 AM): okie
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:49:24 AM): dati kc one week or a month bago ka reply,,,,
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:49:33 AM): anyways i replied -" til my last breath i won't stop calling you kuya!"
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:49:47 AM): =))=))=))=))
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:49:52 AM): ulol....nun tayo pa? hindi totoo yan
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:49:58 AM): exag ka na naman
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:50:04 AM): oo kaya!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:50:08 AM): alam ko un!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:50:15 AM): asus!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:50:23 AM): buong january!!!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:50:29 AM): wag naman ganyan..masyado naman ang sama sama ko
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:50:42 AM): nagparamdam kna lang mlpait ng valentines
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:50:46 AM): 22o pramis
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:50:52 AM): mamatay man ako ngaun
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:50:57 AM): eh kasi inaway mo ako nun
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:51:01 AM): remember?
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:51:10 AM): nope!!!!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:51:14 AM): iba un
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:51:17 AM): feb na un!
* Don't argue with me about this kasi yun message mo sa akin nasa inbox ko pa DATED JANUARY 2, 2006
kUNG YUN BIRTHDAY KO NGA D MO MATANDAAN EH WHAT MORE THIS?
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:51:26 AM): yun message mo na i'm not emotionally and physically available
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:51:29 AM): yun yon
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:51:31 AM): ung tym na nagaway tau feb na un
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:51:43 AM): iba nun feb
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:51:52 AM): feb na un!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:51:56 AM): trust me!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:52:00 AM): alam ko un!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:52:06 AM): nun feb yun mga pinaniwalaan mong kasinungalingan ni GIL ang pinag-awayan natin
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:52:20 AM): that was the same month!!!!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:52:33 AM): dont you get it???
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:52:35 AM): d ko pa nga delete message mo sa phone ko about me not being emotionally and physically available eh
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:52:47 AM): hay naku!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:52:50 AM): bsta
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:52:57 AM): january
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:53:03 AM): nasa inbox ko pa po
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:53:04 AM): and half of december
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:53:04 AM): hahaha
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:53:11 AM): nag-aaway ba tayo?
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:53:16 AM): yup!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:53:17 AM): heehhe
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:53:20 AM): now?
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:53:25 AM): yup!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:53:30 AM): ah o0k
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:53:33 AM): sorry
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:53:35 AM): ayaw mo aminin eh!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:53:39 AM): 22o nmn ha
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:53:50 AM): ok sige na po aaminin ko na..sorry
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:53:59 AM): there was a tym na buong month ka di ngparamdam!!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:54:08 AM): don't want to argue with you kasi miski nuon pa tigas na ulo mo eh
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:54:12 AM):
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:54:20 AM): not true
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:54:33 AM): there was a tym na buong month ka di ngparamdam!!!!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:54:35 AM): there was a tym na buong month ka di ngparamdam
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:54:36 AM): there was a tym na buong month ka di ngparamdam
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:54:38 AM): there was a tym na buong month ka di ngparamdam
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:54:39 AM): there was a tym na buong month ka di ngparamdam
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:54:45 AM): pero tinatry ko nun ayusin hindi mo na ako binigyan ng chance
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:54:51 AM): you shut me out
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:54:53 AM): iba pa un!!!!!!!!!!!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:54:59 AM): come on mitoy!!!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:55:02 AM): only to find out may iba na pala
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:55:03 AM): iba pa un!!!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:55:11 AM): iba pa un mitoy!!!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:55:14 AM): shit!!!!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:55:20 AM): no i mean after nun feb, sinusubukan ko naman ayusin lahat
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:55:28 AM): ano ba!!!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:55:29 AM): huy bakit ka nag-shi-shit?
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 12:55:33 AM): wag naman
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:55:44 AM): its like this
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:56:00 AM): i totally remember this
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:56:08 AM): there was a tym na
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:56:15 AM): asar na asar nako
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:56:29 AM): kc 1 out of 5 lng ng txt ko ngarereply ka
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:56:48 AM): and 1 out of 10 calls lang ang nasasagot
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:57:05 AM): u know for a fact na more than 20 ata abot miscol ko sau
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:57:14 AM): asar na asar na ako
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:57:20 AM): that i told myself
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:57:28 AM): pag dnb ako mgtxt
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:57:34 AM): malalaman b nya???
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:57:41 AM): then i started
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:57:53 AM): i totally remember it mitoy!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:57:59 AM): sobra~
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:58:07 AM): sobrang sobra!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:58:13 AM): un ung tym na
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:58:23 AM): nagaaway mami ko
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:58:30 AM): naglalaslas ako
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:58:45 AM): ung tym na umalis si mami sa bhay
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:58:53 AM): un ung tym na........
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:59:00 AM): u wernt there
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:59:09 AM): and i h8 the fact
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:59:24 AM): na sobrang painful un
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:59:34 AM): at di mo man lang naalala
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:59:45 AM): na dine-deny mo
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:59:49 AM): ano un??
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 12:59:53 AM): make believe??
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:00:10 AM): so tama ako..laki pa rin galit mo sa akin
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:00:18 AM): ok look...i do remember that
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:00:41 AM): and i actually apologized that 'I didnn't quite d my job'
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:00:49 AM): di nako galit!!!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:00:54 AM): ngalit lng ako
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:01:00 AM): then, i started to fix things and you didn't allow me to
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:01:00 AM): na dineny mo!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:01:18 AM): bat kailangan ideny???
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:01:29 AM): i did not deny anything kuya, wag ka magagalit kasi when i used to ask you before
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:01:33 AM): pwede sabhin mo na
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:01:38 AM): dko malalala
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:01:43 AM): pag sinsabi mo na may problem ka
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:01:46 AM): pero sana wag nmn idwny
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:01:56 AM): sasagotr mo sakin nevermind
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:02:04 AM): wala anman ako dinedeny eh
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:02:12 AM): ang sa akin lang..
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:02:23 AM): i tried to fix things..i did
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:02:27 AM): pero you didn
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:02:36 AM): didn't allow me to anymore
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:02:49 AM): arthur cipriano: there was a tym na buong month ka di ngparamdam!! roygbiv_002000: don't want to argue with you kasi miski nuon pa tigas na ulo mo eh roygbiv_002000: roygbiv_002000: not true
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:02:57 AM): plus aniwala ka pa sa mga kasinungalingan ni Gil
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:03:04 AM): ok sige i admit
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:03:15 AM): arthur cipriano: there was a tym na buong month ka di ngparamdam!! roygbiv_002000: don't want to argue with you kasi miski nuon pa tigas na ulo mo eh roygbiv_002000: roygbiv_002000: not true
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:03:26 AM): arthur cipriano: there was a tym na buong month ka di ngparamdam!! roygbiv_002000: don't want to argue with you kasi miski nuon pa tigas na ulo mo eh roygbiv_002000: roygbiv_002000: not true
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:03:29 AM): ok i get it
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:03:29 AM): arthur cipriano: there was a tym na buong month ka di ngparamdam!! roygbiv_002000: don't want to argue with you kasi miski nuon pa tigas na ulo mo eh roygbiv_002000: roygbiv_002000: not true
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:03:34 AM): ok na nga i get it
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:03:37 AM): i'm sorry
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:03:52 AM): pero previous to that may iba ka na naman eh
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:03:52 AM): tapos malalaman ko nlang na......
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:03:59 AM): na ano?
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:04:08 AM): tapos malalaman ko nlang....
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:04:13 AM): gumigimik ka
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:04:16 AM): sa bed??
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:04:20 AM): umamin ka sakin
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:04:30 AM): ay..one time lang yun..kasama ko pa yun cousin ko
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:04:37 AM): khit na
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:04:39 AM): i admit GUMIMIK ako
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:04:46 AM): pero wala ako ginawa masama
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:04:55 AM): uhmmmmm...... mitoy!!!!!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:05:00 AM): mamatay na ako ata ang buong pamilya ko..d kita niloko
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:05:10 AM): mitoy umamin ka po wala na po tayo nun!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:05:20 AM): 2mos after the scenario!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:05:27 AM):
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:05:32 AM): what do you mean?
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:05:46 AM): u admitted ka na gumimik ka
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:05:54 AM): pero after 2mos.?
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:06:04 AM): pinagmamalaki mo pa na umamin ka?
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:06:05 AM): ah yes
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:06:07 AM): whoah!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:06:08 AM): oo naman
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:06:21 AM): eh kasi wala naman kasi ako ginawa na masama nun
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:06:26 AM): wala talaga
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:06:28 AM): wala?????
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:06:30 AM): wala???
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:06:40 AM): i remember that day!!!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:06:41 AM): wala..except that i went to Bed
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:06:47 AM): that day!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:07:11 AM): 26th day un!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:07:17 AM): and as you told my cousin sa chat nyo, that you were caloing and i wasn't answering?
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:07:18 AM): monthsary natin!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:07:35 AM): yup!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:07:42 AM): binababaan mo pako
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:07:45 AM): huh!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:07:50 AM): nerve!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:07:56 AM): huh? i did?
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:08:03 AM): sorry but i don't remember
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:08:03 AM): duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:08:13 AM): bakit kia nagagalit ngayon?
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:08:21 AM): "accident" lang un!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:08:25 AM): cguro!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:08:30 AM): kc!!!!!!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:08:33 AM): kc nmn!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:08:38 AM): dinedeny mo
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:08:40 AM): asar!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:08:47 AM): d mo pa rin pala ako napapatwad after all the apologies and gestures that i did
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:08:59 AM): and kuya i told you naman about my condition diba?
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:09:06 AM): mitoy!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:09:14 AM): pinatawad kita!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:09:14 AM): yun ibang time i was suffering from it
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:09:29 AM): pinatwad kita b4
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:09:33 AM): kc inamin mo
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:09:41 AM): inamin mo mitoy!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:09:51 AM): ngagalit lng ako
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:10:01 AM): which i admit was my fault that i hid that fact in my lcondition from you
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:10:07 AM): kc parang binawi mo ung confession mo sakin
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:10:12 AM): inaamin ko na nga lahat
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:10:19 AM): wala ako binabawi
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:10:21 AM): out nako!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:10:30 AM): hmp!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:10:34 AM): may vtr ako!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:10:39 AM): gudlak sa akin!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:10:42 AM): 'hmp!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:10:57 AM): it's just that siguro i don't remember anymore kasi i am looking at what's ahead and not what's behind
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:11:26 AM): i guess in love ka pa rin kaya sobra pa rin ang asar mo!! LOL
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:11:36 AM): "hold me now...... its HARD for me to say im SORRY"
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:11:50 AM): joke
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:11:53 AM): in love????
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:12:00 AM): mitoy!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:12:05 AM): no offense meant!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:12:13 AM): yes you're way over me
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:12:13 AM): pero ang totoo....
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:12:26 AM): na trauma ako sau!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:12:35 AM): and pibnagtatawanan mo na lang mga kagaguhan ko na ginagawa for you
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:12:38 AM): i know that
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:12:39 AM): no offense meant
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:12:43 AM): i perfectly know that
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:12:57 AM): sobrang sobra!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:13:03 AM): ngaun....
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:13:05 AM): eh sinusubukan ko nga ayusin ayaw mo eh
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:13:21 AM): kasi nga meron ka ng iba bago pa man mangyari yun mga bagay na iyun
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:13:29 AM): yun lang yun
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:13:37 AM): kaw naman ang umamin ngayon
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:13:46 AM): i didnt confirm that!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:13:51 AM): plus
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:13:58 AM): pero meron
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:14:03 AM): wag ka na magmalinis
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:14:05 AM): kung magkakaroon ako!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:14:19 AM): wala kbang ksalanan dun???
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:14:29 AM): meron..inamin ko naman eh
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:14:38 AM): i mean,,,,, 1 month???
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:14:46 AM): ok k lanG>>>?????
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:15:05 AM): kaya nga hindi mo ako binigyan ng chance kasi nga not because i wasn't deserving but because you had another person already
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:15:22 AM): alam mo ba.....
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:15:31 AM): kung gano tau katagal???
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:15:56 AM): technically 1yr and 6 months
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:15:57 AM): almost 2yrs......
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:16:06 AM): but you claimed that 3/4 of that time
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:16:12 AM): hindi ako available
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:16:12 AM): almost 2 yrs...
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:16:25 AM): w/c is mitoy is true!!!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:16:30 AM): ano kb???
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:16:32 AM): sana nakita mo na yun ibang time dun, ikaw ang hindi rin available
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:16:51 AM): dahil may bicol ka
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:16:52 AM): di nako available kc cold nako nun
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:16:57 AM): wghen you were in high school
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:17:03 AM): studyante ako
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:17:08 AM): shit!!!!!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:17:11 AM): ano ba!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:17:14 AM): wala anman tayo communication kasi d ako makatext sayo dahil wala ka cellphone
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:17:20 AM): but i stayed diba?
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:17:26 AM): huh???
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:17:30 AM): i mean
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:17:34 AM): hindi ako kumawala
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:17:35 AM): sandali lng ako0ng nwalan ng fone!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:17:41 AM): shit!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:17:43 AM): ano ba!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:17:46 AM): like one school year?
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:17:55 AM): huh?????
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:17:55 AM): bakit ka ba galit na galit
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:17:57 AM): ?
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:17:59 AM): ang oa!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:18:12 AM): parang ako lang talaga ang may kasalanan
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:18:14 AM): one school yr akong walang fone????
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:18:20 AM): inamin kio na ah
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:18:22 AM): one school year!!!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:18:26 AM): tinanggap k0o na ah
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:18:26 AM): hahahahaha
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:18:28 AM): ang oa
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:18:31 AM): ano pa ba gusto mo gawin ko?
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:18:36 AM): o.a sobra!!!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:18:51 AM): gus2 mo pagtawanan ka ng daddy ko???
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:18:56 AM): oa ha
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:19:07 AM): one year akong walang fone????
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:19:12 AM): alam mo..hindi ko na alam kung ano pa ang gusto mo i=pointn out
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:19:12 AM): 2weeks lang
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:19:21 AM): excuse me?
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:19:30 AM): diba sabi mo nga na-conficscate?
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:19:45 AM): uhhmmmm....
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:19:51 AM): and twing uuwi ka lang dyan sa inyo tsaka mo ako tatawagan using your landline?
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:19:53 AM): binalik nung xmas db???
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:19:58 AM): bakit nangyayari ito?
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:20:05 AM): fuck!!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:20:09 AM): bakit sobra pa rin yan galit mo?
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:20:15 AM): ayoko na
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:20:17 AM): yeah curse me
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:20:22 AM): out na ko!
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:20:22 AM): like say shit and fuck
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:20:29 AM): yan dyan ka magaling
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:20:37 AM): kaw nag-umpisa nito
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:20:46 AM): shit!
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:20:54 AM): alam mo mitoy........
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:21:04 AM): i tried being nice and all and this is what you do?
chinito_freak88 (1/1/2002 1:21:13 AM): alam mo.......
roygbiv_002000 (1/1/2002 1:21:20 AM): you are sooo not Deserving!!!!!

Sabay logout ako..wala na kwenta eh


Shit ka rin!!!

To Sir Ogie....


Like a comet
Blazing 'cross the evening sky
Gone too soon

Like a rainbow
Fading in the twinkling of an eye
Gone too soon

Shiny and sparkly
And splendidly bright
Here one day
Gone one night

Like the loss of sunlight
On a cloudy afternoon
Gone too soon

Like a castle
Built upon a sandy beach
Gone too soon

Like a perfect flower
That is just beyond your reach
Gone too soon

Born to amuse, to inspire, to delight
Here one day
Gone one night

Like a sunset
Dying with the rising of the moon
Gone too soon
Gone too soon


...Mentor, Guardian, Parent...A Friend!




January 1961 - April 2007

read:525,600 minutes with Ogie Juliano

Isn't she a beauty? I fell in love with her the minute I saw her.

I've been thinking about her these past few days. It's odd actually. Been wondering how she has been, if she's being cared of properly? loved enough? fed well? bathed? powdered? I wondered how different it would be had I kept her.

When I was given a Siberian Husky stuffed toy, I told myself, if I would see a real one that looks exactly like the toy, i'd buy and keep it. Tough luck, mahirap humanap. Until, a breeder posted pictures of newly born Siberian pups last Decmber 2006. one female puppy caught my eye. it does not exactly resemble the toy but it was the closest. Actually, parang nabuhay. I immediately called the owner and reserved the pup. Sabi ko alagaan nya ng mabuti. Then, I realized, paano ko nga ba maalagaan eh wala naman ako kasama sa house? What if i'm out, who's gonna feed her? Who's gonna keep an eye on her in cases i wouldn't be around. So, I thought, since someone very special has his birthday coming, and since that special someone was the one who gave me the stuffed toy, why don't I just give Chin to Him as a gift. I decided, why not give him something equally special? Good Idea. So, while waiting for the proper time, I was in constant correspondence with the breeder.

By the time she was ready, by co-incidence, 'someone's' birthday was just a few days ahead. Napakaganda ng timing. I could still remember that day when I picked her up, Grabe, all the way to the North. But, it was well worth the travel, plus the excitement I am having upon seeing her from the photos i requested from the breeder a few days before. Feb. 2, 2007, Friday, exact date when I picked her up and saw her the first time. I was beeming with so much excitement equivalent to an adoptive parent claiming his baby from the nursery. There she was, standing infront of me, scared and helpless. But with innocence and curiosity in her eyes. My heart melt. I then took her tag out from my bag and placed it on her neck. After signing the proper documents, she was placed in a cage and boarded at the back of my car. While in transit, Chin was crying helplessly and with fear in her voice. I asked the driver to stop the car and took her out of the cage and placed her on my lap. I felt her heart pounding and her ears were pointed, so what i did was i started caressing her. I ran my fingers through her head, my palm on her back. I told her, "everything will be alright, you'll be in good hands" then hugged her. While travelling, she slowly nestled her head on my lap as if she understood what i said. It felt good how easily she became confident beside me. as I ran my fingers through her head, she fell asleep.

Plan was, to drop me off somewhere else and had the driver deliver her to 'someone'. When we reached my destination, i woke her up and carried her to her cage. Like a child she started crying, fought not to be placed in the cage. As she cried, my heart bled because for that short time, I felt the attachment. I even thought of not pushing through with my original plan. But, I thought it would be the best act for 'someone' to change the way he sees me. I can still remember the look in her eye, as if questioning where I am going, why am I leaving her? I then took her out of the cage one last time, kissed her on her head and whispered, "You'd be alright, You'd be in good hands. I just wish you'd still recognize my smell when you see me. I Love You Chin! I Love You Baby!". Placed her back to the cage and turned away. As I was instructing the driver as to where Chin had to be brought, my voice cracked and a tear almost fell.I could hear her calling.

What would have happened if I kept her?

Now I understand why I started thinking about her...'someone' called tonight and said something bad had happened to Chin. What? He refused to say!.....

For whatever it is, I know that she is loved, I know that she has been in good hands! No one's to blame! .....why am I crying?

Ever wondered why the name Chin?.....after Chinito Freak!

Recognize the Blonde Girl in the picture?

Found this photo one evening while surfing. Out of curiosity, i googled my name and amongst all the links which carries my name, i chanced upon one with quintuple question marks posted. clicked on the link and there you go.

Back in 2002, i did a Japanese film with English Language entitled Chateau de Roses. I never heard about it since. Was curious if it had any theater run. sabi ko na lang, 'ayus gandang raket din nun'.

The film is about the unusual, the extraordinary, colorful and complex world that is Chateau de Roses. Run by society’s outcast, the third sex - the mansion is a refuge, a sanctum for the oddest assortment of characters ever imagined.
At the center of this remarkable tale is Mora, brought up like a daughter by the residents, whose quest is to find a way to keep her strange adoptive family together, not just in life,but also in death. More than just a film that affirms life and how we live it, Chateau de Roses is also a love story-both romantic and familial-that transcends race and gender.
Using a riotous blend of fantasy and reality, Chateau de Roses succeeds as a comedy-drama set in a time and place we can only imagine, but nevertheless as real as our hometown.

The film stars yours truly, Mitoy Sta Ana, Richarde Cunanan, Jake Macapagal, Alexander Cortes, Bernardo Bernardo and Conor Brady (Filipino Cast). Emiko Mizuno as Mora, Teah,
Taiju Okayasu, Kayoko Shibata, Eisuke Sasai (Japanese cast)

Yes, I was dressed up to be Marilyn Monroe!

More Behind the scenes pics from the film:


Jake Macapagal and I in one scene upon discovery of the main character Mora


The Cast from left: Richard, Jake, Emiko, Me, Conor, and Alex with the director Hideki


Me and Emiko


My DEAR bro Richard as a Spanish Mestiza MamaSan..Hehehe


Richard getting instructions from the director


Cast during set up

I think this is the appropriate song for me at the moment:

What kind of fool am I, who never fell in love?
It seems that I'm the only one I have been thinking of.
What kind of man is this? An empty shell, a lonely cell
In which an empty heart must dwell?
What kind of lips are these that lied with every kiss?
That whispered empty words of love that left me alone like this?
Why can't I fall in love like any other man?
And maybe then I'll know what kind of fool I am.
What kind of clown am I? What do I know of life?
Why can't I cast away the mask of play and live my life?
Why can't I fall in love, till I don't give a damn?
And maybe then I'll know what kind of fool I am.

Text Message


A:
Tito.. Naala2 kita bigla...

ME:
Why are you still awake?

A:
Tito... Missed calling u that.
Weird! Just tot of u biglaan.
Ru ok?

ME:
Yes i am. Ikaw? Are you ok?

A:
I am! Hehe tito!

ME:
That's good to hear. I'll just
be here. Should you at one
point need me, i'm just a
few numbers away, :-)

ME:
Btw, been missing the boy i
used to call kuya! :-)

A:
Di rin! Bc k pg dating kay
kuya! Hehe joke! Nwz namis
ko lang cguro ung powder
mist mong amoy hehe!
Ingats po!

A:
U killed him! Joke!

ME:
Well if that's what you think.
Yun na kasi ang tingin mo
eh. And i think it will never
change. D ka na lang sana
nagtext. You will never
appreciate whatever i would
have to say. Whatever i
would have to do. Even the
friendship i would have to
offer. :-) ingat din.

ME:
Mag-move on ka na. Tagal
na rin patay yun Tito na
kilala mo.

A:
Mwah! joke lang tito sorry..
Im stil d same boy!

A: (at 2:38pm, March 3)
Haha.. I just mis ya.. Smile

ME:
:-)


I guess i have really been marked for life. No matter how much effort was given while in that relationship, d talaga na-appreciate. More so the bigger effort now to renew a friendship...Nakakapagod na rin. I cannot understand really the intensity of hatred that this kid has for me. It just reminded me of another text message i have received the othe day- Kahit ano siguro ang gawin ko, may isusumbat at may isusumbat!

"Why put a question mark where God has placed a period?"

Oo nga naman, why would we question God's will? If God has finished a certain chapter in your life, why do you have to question Him? Why do we have to ask? It is His will, let it be done. All we have to do is to Let Go, and Let God. For the appreciaton and recognition we continuously seek from someone, He'll definitely give through another.

Which brings me to another text message i have kept in my inbox for a long time now-

"Treat everyone with kindnes, even those who are rude to you. Not because they are not nice, but you are!"

KANINA....sa ROCKWELL Feb. 9, 2007

Eh yung naglalakad kayo na, nagpapahuli na para bagang umiiwas at
ikinahihiyang kasama ka? Ok lang yun kasi medyo awkward naman yun
feeling talaga. Lalu na't ngayong lang kayo nagkitang muli.
Yun ang inisip ko
Nagyosi, may nakita ka, nag-comment ka, nagreact sya..
ang nasabi mo na lang, 'Ah okay...pwede...halika na?'
Dun sumagi sa isip ko na, hanggang ngayon, mababa talaga ang tingin sa akin nito.
D naman ako na-offend, ang sa akin lang, totoo lang po ang pakikitungo ko.
Nakasisiguro naman ako na may mga kaibigan tayo na d hamak na mas may diperensya
kaysa sa ating dalawa....tinanggap natin!
Bakit hindi na lang natin tanggapin ang isa't isa kung sa ano at sino pa man?
Gayunpaman, buong puso, nagpapasalamat pa rin ako at naanyayahan mo akong magpalipas ng oras. :-)

Cut to:

KANINA....sa METROWALK Feb. 9, 2007

May tumawag, nakikipagkita, dinner daw
Naghintay ka, dumating, may kasamang kaibigan.
Di mo inaasahan, sa kalagitnaan ng karamihan ng tao, ipapakilala ka.
Ikukwento ng buong ningning ang buo mong pagkatao.
Natuwa si kaibigan, naghiwalay kayo ng nakangiti...
Panalo!

Shamelessly, I admit that for the longest time, I prayed so hard to have the chance of seeing this person again. Everyday I would wish that by some luck, that person would be sitting somewhere, or probably be walking my way. I wanted to know how I would feel, or if I still am feeling the right thing for him. What I know is that I missed him a lot and, thought about him every given moment.

Well, the wait has paid off. New Year’s eve, as has been a tradition, I went out to see friends. Went to this bar where I thought most would be. Lo and behold! He was there. As I stepped out of the men’s room, he was there on the phone standing in line and I just automatically called out ‘Kuya!’.

But, know what’s strange about that night? I was unfeeling (not in a bad way) about that incident. Or to be more specific, I did not feel anything. I was expecting my heart to go pounding due to a myriad of emotions… excitement, consciousness, fear? But no, it was actually weird that I was just as normal as normal can be.

Look, here’s that very moment I have been waiting for but why does it feel so ordinary? Not that I’m saying that I never felt anything for him. Oh I loved him, I really did! But I guess what I saw that night was not the person I was expecting I would. The one I saw was a young man. A man I barely know.

What I remember was the boy. The boy who gave me a Siberian husky stuffed toy. The boy who had the sweetest mention of the name ‘Chin Chin’. The boy I used to pick up from school. The boy who's so lovable in his school uniform. The boy I shared a slice of cheesecake with at a café near the school. The boy who makes my heart miss a beat every time he calls me ‘Tito’! I remember the boy with the cutest set of eyes when he smiled. I remember the boy who gave me a fake Salvatore Ferragamo belt that I appreciated so much. The boy who excitedly jumps into my car on chosen Sundays. The boy whose fingers fit perfectly in between mine when I held his hand while driving. The boy I light a candle for on Tuesday nights in Baclaran. The boy who didn’t know my heart would bleed each time he would tell me he waited for my call all night. The boy I have painstakingly searched a little of my time just to be with. The boy who believed. The one who used to understand.

But that night, I don’t remember seeing the boy. It was someone else. I felt something else…. I felt happy because I saw someone happy. I am happy because that someone else has found his happiness. Probably being provided with what the boy I remember thought I did not…. someone being given something he thought he needed….having someone he needed.

I am sincerely pleased for seeing what I saw…and as for the boy? I wasn’t there to see how the boy became a man but he’ll always be remembered….. …I may not remember the feeling anymore. And it doesn’t really matter but I would remember how happy I am for him that night!

MMFF….
As I have predicted, Mano Po just had to earn some awards. I never really expected that our film will be honored for it’s creative content. For the past three (3) years that I have personally been involved in the festival, no amount of work poured in one project would be acknowledged.
This is how their system works. Since there will always be one that would excel in the box office, the festival will rule that minor awards such as special effects, make up, production design and so on should be distributed to the less appealing films. Well, to awaken the artistic curiosity of the movie going public so they would go and view the film. This is so because they need to help the other entries earn. Para d rin naman kawawa ang mga producers. Fair enough, generally to the industry, but, to the individuals who worked really hard to show their craft, that’s just not the case.
Well, win some, lose some.


CUBAN LEADER….
A couple of months back, I have met Fidel Castro. Yes, the Cuban! Only this time, he is a man of 30 yrs old. He has sneaked in and out of my plane at the most unlikely hours. And would appear at short periods of time, something similar to headaches…comes and goes. And each time he does, there’s this feeling of promise that he’d come back…until, the apparition came very seldom. And now, I’d only dream it would! Well, only in my dreams..

TIME….
Which is more important? Quality or Quantity?

COME IN FROM THE RAIN…
Part of the happiness I am experiencing right now is brought about by estranged friends reaching out…surprisingly no explanations are necessary.. and this is the only thing I can to say to them….

Well, hello again
good old friend of mine
You’ve been reaching for yourself
For such a long time
There’s so much to say
No need to explain
Just an open door for you
To come in from the rain

It’s a long long road
When you’re all alone
And a man like you
Will always choose
The long way home
There’s no right or wrong
I’m not here to blame
I just want to be the one
Who keeps you from the rain
From the rain

And it looks like sunny skies
Now that I know you’re alright
Time has left us older, wiser
I know, I am

And it’s good to know
My best friend has come home again
Cause I think of us like an old cliché
But, it doesn’t matter
Cause I love you anyway
Come in from the rain

And it looks like sunny skies
Now that I know you’re alright
Time has left us older,
But wiser, I know, I am

Cause I think of us like an old cliché
But, it doesn’t matter
Cause I love you anyway
Come in from the rain

LASTLY….
I would like to know how it feels like to say the words ‘I Love You!’ again.

3 Things:

1st, Present state----- FREAKING drunk....but enjoying it!!!!!

2nd, I am going under the knife for nth time in less than a year's span.. Another GROWTH has been determined exactly on the same spot where one was taken out 8 months ago. Can't they fucking stop building up? I'm kinda getting used to it already but not liking it. I wish they could just suck it out and it's gone, out, no more, end, finished, dissolved. It's getting in work's way and work is getting in the way!!! I am just one lucky guy being blessed with them lumps!!!!

3rd, Went CLUBBING tonight..oooohhh..feels damn good!!! I haven't done this for a looooong time now. And this very night renewEd my interest in the hobby...Can work not just get in the way? ARRRGGGHHH!!!! Went to a dance club's grand opening upon the invite of a DJ friend and I realized how much i missed the scene. Luckily, I saw familiar faces, met new ones and been checked out by the younger crowd...HUH!!!!! haven't lost the ginga I must say. hehehe....What's more interesting is, I've been placed on the guest list of one of the biggest clubbing event on the 31st.. :-)

My world is spinning figuratively and at this very moment literally....NASUSUKA AKO!!!!

How I wish I took that flight 2 fridays ago, March 3, 2006....Things would have been different.

The past week has brought me a series of rejections, not just once, nor twice, neither thrice, which crippled me from taking the risk of winning someone back.

I have gambled all my defenses so that my sincerest intention may be noticed, but, no matter how much I raised the stake, I realized that the judgement that has been cast upon me, deems irreversible. Sirang sira na pala ako. Nothing mattered, kahit anupaman ang gawin ko, dahil basang basa na ang papel ko, whatever it was didn't really have any substance anymore.

I guess when love is gone, nothing would make a person stay. Bakit pa nga ba ako makikigulo pa? Bakit pa nga ba ako magpupumilit pa? Bakit pa ako dadagdag pa sa mga problema na hinaharap nya?

When a person starts finding faults from you, blaming you for reasons untintentional and mistakes not you alone are responsible for, what is there to do still? The only possibility I can see is that, we never really allowed ourselves to know each other more. How can one be someone's crutches when one wasn't actually given the chance to be so from the very start? When problems are concealed, how can one offer ease? How can one, when it's always a game of guessing?

Ang hirap. How can one see the brighter side of tomorrow when one can't help but only sees the past? How can it progress? How can you organize the pieces when you don't know the person anymore?

I guess when you lose, you lose! I guess it's not anymore worth the changes you are going through.

As they say, maybe time will heal the wound.....maybe not.

Sayang but that's the sad fact, ayaw na sa iyo!

It wouldn't be that easy getting over a person getting over you....sorry na lang ako!

'Til You Come Back To Me

Though you don't call anymore
I sit and wait in vain
I guess I'll rap on your door
Tap on your window pane
I want to tell you baby
Changes I've been going through
Missing you, listen you
'Til you come back to me
That's what I'm gonna do
Why did you have to decide
You had to set me free
I'm gonna swallow my pride
I'm gonna beg you to please
Baby won't you please see me
I'm gonna walk by myself
To prove that my love is true
Oh, for you baby
'Til you come back to me
That's what I'm gonna do
Living for you my dear
Is like living in a world of constant fear
Hear my plea, I've got to make you see
That our love is dying
Our love is dying
It's dying
Although your phone you ignore
Somehow I must explain
I'm gonna rap on your door
Tap on your window pane
I'm gonna camp on your step
Until I get through to you
I've got to change your view baby
'Til you come back to me
That's what I'm gonna do
Yeah 'til you come back to me
That's what I'll do
'Til you come back to me
That's what I'm gonna do

Sometimes a man gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his fun. And much too blind to see the damage he's done.

Sometimes a man must awake to find that, really, he has no one. -- J. Buckley

ARTHUR’S THEME

Once in your life you find her
Someone that turns your heart around
And next thing you know you're closing down the town
Wake up and it's still with you
Even though you left her way across town
Wondering to yourself, "Hey, what've I found?"

When you get caught between the Moon and New York City
I know it's crazy, but it's true
If you get caught between the Moon and New York City
The best that you can do ......
The best that you can do is fall in love

Arthur he does as he pleases
All of his life, he's mastered choice
Deep in his heart, he's just, he's just a boy
Living his life one day at a time
And showing himself a really good time
Laughing about the way they want him to be

When you get caught between the Moon and New York City
I know it's crazy, but it's true
If you get caught between the Moon and New York City
The best that you can do .....
The best that you can do is fall in love

When you get caught between the Moon and New York City
I know it's crazy, but it's true
If you get caught between the Moon and New York City
The best that you can do .....
The best that you can do is fall in love


AGAINST ALL ODDS

How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me,
When all I can do is watch you leave
Cos we’ve shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, oh there’s just an empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me,
Just the memory of your face
Ooh take a look at me now, well there’s just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against all odds and that’s what I’ve got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around,
Turn around and see me cry
There’s so much I need to say to you,
So many reasons why
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, well there’s just an empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face
Now take a look at me now, cos there’s just an empty space

But to wait for you, is all I can do and that’s what I’ve got to face
Take a good look at me now, cos I’ll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
It’s the chance I’ve gotta take

Tonight, while driving home, I was bombarded with text messages about Rustom Padilla’s exposure to Keana Reeves on Pinoy Big Brother…I swear, the messages I got outdid the text brigade some nights back on the EDSA revolution.

I was actually not surprised for, at the back of my mind, I was hoping he would do that soon on the said show.

There were reactions attached to the messages, some encouraging, and some condemning. But, the most important factor people should consider is Rustom’s courage to expose on nationwide television. It’s not a painless task for one person to acknowledge a fault or declare his weaknesses, and what Rustom has done is highly regarded.

And what do I have to say about it? Nothing! All I have is a sincere admiration of the deed. It is in acceptance, that we recognize ourselves better. It is in acknowledgement that we improve on self-respect. What’s more essential is what we gain as a person and not what people earn from the feat.
I just pray that people would be more forgiving of him. The only fault I know is his will to live lead a happy life.

But no matter how judgmental people may be, it is the freedom of one’s soul which is more essential.

Someone sang this song to me on the phone last night..Maganda pala sya.

PARAISONG PARISUKAT

Narito ka’t tumatangis
Sa iyong munting paraiso
Pagmasdan mong paligid nito
Inaamag, inaagiw

Heto ako’t sumasamo
Dinggin ang aking pagsuyo
Isang libo’t isang paraiso’y
Inaalay ko sa iyo

Tayo na giliw sa malawak na kalikasan
At salubungin ang bukang liwayway
Madarama mo ang pagsabok ng liwanag
Mahahawakan mo bahaghari at mga sinag
Sa tuwina’y mamahalin ka giliw

Dalangin ko’y iwan mo na
Ang iyong paraisong parisukat
Isang libo’t isang paraiso
Inaalay ko sa iyo giliw
Habang nabubuhay ako
Paraisong ito’y handog ko
Sa iyo lamang giliw

IF I DIDNT DRIFT AWAY... YOU WERENT ABLE TO KNOW MY WORTH... HULI ANG PAGSISISI.... -
Found this posted today..I knew this was meant to be a reply to the message I sent. Well....I know that exactly..It's just a reprise of the entire message I made..

The only difference now is, WALA NA AKONG PINAGSISISIHAN!

I just have to say that I am proud because I have humbled myself enough, been truthful and I am now free from whatever it is that binds me.

I have renewed my relationship with my CREATOR which made me realize that being with HIM is the best relationship a man could ever have. And I am seeing things in a different light. I was taught to accept things as they are.

I can only say that I am now a more learned person and have started forgiving myself. So much ready to acknowledge the importance of the next good person I may encounter.

Life is Bliss. I'm done with shedding tears for something that has been spilt. Now replaced by a pleasant smile each time I look back. Why? - I WAS LOVED GREATLY! And in being so, I was taught that I should too-the most consequential lesson I have gained.

I have let go and let GOD. There is a REASON for everything, a SEASON for it to happen, and a LIFETIME of wisdom earned.